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oalks has forfeited round #3.
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Voting Style: Open Point System: 7 Point
Started: 4/5/2019 Category: Miscellaneous
Updated: 3 years ago Status: Debating Period
Viewed: 632 times Debate No: 121176
Debate Rounds (3)
Comments (14)
Votes (0)




Previously I wrote a brief story on Hairy Penis the case of mistaken identity, This is a continuation of that.

Found here: https://www. Debate. Org/debates/Class-assignment. /1/


-You must write a segment of the story continuing where I left off below.
-You may not end the story.
-You may not change perspective.
-You may change the direction and flow however you wish.
-Please put effort into this.
-Djksp is not allowed to vote on this.

Hairy Penis and the goblet of cum.

I previously spoke about my enrolment in Hogwarts, That was during my first year and things were rather tame then, Now however, They have reached a whole new level of fanaticism.

For a bit of back story,

After I stole the head master’s meth stash I was confronted by Snape who asked what was inside the barrel, I claimed it was gravy to avoid being raped by Snape who has been known to rape students as punishment. Snape escorted me to the school kitchen where I handed over the barrel of meth to the cooks. To cut a rather long story short, The entire school got massively high, Some students overdosed and died, The whole incident drew attention from the ministry of magic who decided it was time to find out what was going on at Hogwarts, They sent an inspector to look at the school and write a report.

During assembly and before the inspector’s arrival, Dumblecunt urged everyone to be on their best behaviour, It was at this point Dumblecunt chugged his bottle of beer and threw it into the crowd of students, Drunkenly exclaiming,

“If I catch any one of yees misbehavin, I’ll feed ya fookin corpse to tha fookin pigs! ”

If anyone was going to make the school look bad, It was certainly Dumblecunt.

It was the day of the inspector’s arrival and I had to be up early for class, I made my way to my herbology lesson, On my way I saw a strange large man in a coat, Intuitively I knew this was the inspector and ran ahead of him to warn my class mates.

I opened the door to be greeted by professor Snape doggy style f**king Ron’s sister in front of the whole class.

“Consider this punishment for shooting heroin in my class b*tch! ” Snape proclaimed as his hips thrust back and forth.

“Snape, The inspector is on his way! ” I screamed.

Snape’s eyes widened and he grabbed Ginny by the hair, Tossing her into the store cupboard. Just as the inspector came through the door, Snape had finished pulling up his trousers.

“Hello, My name is John and I will be observing your class today” the inspector stated in a very authoritative tone.

The class begun and Snape started off by ranting about how different strains of weed will affect you differently and that you should always buy in bulk as it’s better value for money. Snape begun razing his voice as Ginny was banging on the cupboard door in an attempt to drown out the sound. The inspector looked puzzled by the distressing sounds. In response, Snape suddenly snapped, Wand in hand he opened the cupboard door and screamed,

“AVADAKAVA B*TCH! ” instantly killing Ginny. “I apologise for that; it was a mouse”

The lesson nonchalantly continued.

During the 2nd day of the inspection I was eating my lunch outside and noticed the inspector observing a group of 5th years attacking a 1st year, They were beating him with wooden bats and ruthlessly trying to kill him. One of the fatter 5th years bellowed aloud,


The group carried off the 1st years lifeless body to perform various malign and malicious misdeeds. The rumours were that they’d partake in a group orgy with the body and eventually cannibalise it.

“Great, Now we have murderous, Cannibalistic sex cults in the school” I thought to myself.

Things were really getting out of hand.

(Con continues the story)



First of all, Your story is incredibly insulting and not suitable for 2019 as you've neglected to include minorities such as transgenders.


All the sudden the double doors behind us were smashed open - interrupting my train of thought in it's entirety and shifting the inspector's focus.

It was Roofieus Inbred! His gender and racial-reassignment spells were successful!

I have never been so excited to greet a massive cunt before, And I regret to say my excitement blinded me.

Before I could properly greet him, I tripped over my desk and threw Ron into the hidden nearby stew of boiling narcotics.

As he yelled expletives ever-reducing coherency, Me and my peers were showered in small amounts of our prized Heroin.

This is the story of how I, Hairy penis, Ruined the second inspection day. We may have not gotten the funding but some students got fulfillment elsewhere - namely, Hardcore heroin usage.

The next day Roofieus received a letter and I a realization: It was I who was the cunt by happenstance, And the senior students and faculty would soon to exact revenge for depriving them of their meth money.

(Pro continues)
Debate Round No. 1


[Warning: Some viewers may find this deeply unsettling, Insulting or otherwise sickening. If you are an emotionally unstable and mentally weak individual, You are advised to leave now and go play with your action figures or whatever the Hell it is you people do. ] 

You may have read the Harry Potter books. Within they may have spoken about Hogwarts in a positive light where the students were happy and the faculty were kind, But I can assure you those books are nothing more than a cover up story. Here I shall account for the true horrors I bore witness to during my stay at Hogwarts.

It was an icy cold night and I was alone in the common room by the fireplace while the rest of Gryffindor slept. I sat there thinking about the time Ron bore his ginger freckled buttocks at me, Urging me to take his virginity, His anus was not exactly pretty, But it was still sexually viable, I would have taken him there and then, But I noticed his sister was filming us.
During my reflection of the past, I could hear the wail of student crack heads crying in aguish as they roamed the castle grounds, It would not be too long until the frigid cold claimed their lives. Before I could take another sip of my warm coca, A skeletal figure emerged from the corner of the room and glared at me. The face did bare resemblance to someone I once knew,
“Hermione? ” I asked.
“H-h-h-Hairy, Is that you? ”
She was a shadow of her former self. It was saddening to see this once beautiful and lively girl in such a state of decay. Her eyes had no life in them, She was gaunt, Pale and her expression was blank.
“What happened to you? You had so much going for you! ” I declared.
“I can’t even cry any more, I have no tears left, All I wanted was an education. Why me? ”
I got up to hug her and reassure her that everything would be okay, It was at that moment she pointed a gun towards her head proclaiming,
“It is too late for me, Have a nice life Hairy”
Before I could reach her, She pulled the trigger. My ear drums rang as a loud bang bellowed from the gun, Hermione’s head was forcefully jerked to the side as her brains were spewed across the walls, With a sudden thud, Her body smacked the floor. I ran to her lifeless corpse and held her, Tears gushed from my face.
“It’s not fair, It’s not fair! Why God, WHY? ! This cursed school will pay for what it has done”
With my death induced fury, I grabbed a fire poker and charged towards Dumblecunts room, It was his leadership that allowed this to happened.
I approached his chamber and searched for where he slept, I stepped over an array of deceased students, Presumably at the hands of Dumblecunt. I could hear his snoring and bolted towards the sound, Upon finding him, I raised the fire poker above my head and asserted,
“Surprise motherfuka”
I began raining hell upon his face as I SMASHED, SMASHED AND SMESHED!
I felt his skull cave ever further inwards upon each forceful impact, His body would spasm with each blow. I felt the wet sensation of brains splutter across my cheek. I had brutally murdered the headmaster. I sprinted back to the common room and washed the blood and chunks of brain from my face. I planted the fire poker under the bed of an unsuspecting fat kid and made my way to sleep. I could feel the hatred consuming me, This was the beginning of my decent into madness. I then quietly jerked off, Finishing in my pajama bottoms without cleaning up.

The end.


Chapter 1

I was awoken to the shuffling of footsteps outside my door – it was Roofieus, He/she/it must know what I have done to Dumblecunt!

As quick as a bee, I hid under my bed as his lantern shifted into the room, And past me slowly.

“Hairy, Ya little cocksucker get outta the non-metaphorical closet and face me like a man, ” said Roofieus, Her hyper-masculine voice echoing throughout the chamber.

I blocked out the once great Hogwarts giant’s incessant shouting, Fleeing further and further down the grand staircase.

Encountering a large, Padlocked door, I wrenched it open in a vain attempt to escape my pursuers.

Therein sat a 3 headed dog, With an ironic nametag denoting the name “fluffy. ”

It was feasting upon the corpses of disobedient students, In attempting to run from Roofieus, I ended up exactly where he wanted me. I projectile vomited, All over the corpses and into the dogs’ eyes. The dog threw the decapitated corpse it had been munching on through the window, Out into the frigid cold and crushing an unfortunate cannibal.

After that, I turned and ran, Fast as I could, Faster than I ever had before.

Roofieus had caught up by this time, And by fleeing the dog I ran directly into him.

“hehe, Ya little bitch I’m takin ya to the maze now, ” Roofieus said.

Chapter 2

I sprinted through the maze, Every so often tripping over the corpse of a fallen wizard. I had grown accustomed to the site of corpses, And the cannibalistic meth-addicts that roamed the maze searching for them.

I had one objective, Secure the Goblet of Cum from the center of the Hedge Maze. My only friend I made in Hogwarts was trailing close behind me, Cedric was his name.

Upon reaching the center a fat rat-looking person appeared*gasp* it was the Jew named Pettigrew!

Pettigrew threw Voldecunts withered husk into a cauldron nearby, Reviving him miraculously.

The Jew cracked his wand and shouted “AVADAKAVA” killing my friend! Greedy bastard wanted the cup all to himself.

It was at this point I snapped, I killed the Jew by stabbing him with my wand. I then ripped off my clothes and scooped out Voldecunts eyes with a discarded spoon; leaving him to wander the maze for the foreseeable future.

Covered in blood I returned to Roofieus Inbred (the new headmaster), With my friend's corpse and the Goblet.

I had obtained the Goblet, But lost the capacity for rationality in the process.

(To be continued in book 2, C1, Hairy Penis and the Chamber of Secretion).

Debate Round No. 2


Hairy Potter and the Chamber of Secretions.

I awoke laying in a euphoric haze to find movement of my arms and legs were limited, The sound of chains clashing began to bellow with each movement I made. I heard a voice whisper gingerly,

“Hi Hairy”

It was Ron, Before I could ask him what was happening, I realized I had been ball gagged.

“You’re probably wondering why you’re here? I used a love potion which in the wizarding world is essentially date rape. WELCOME TO THE CHAMBER OF SECRETIONS! ” Ron proclaimed in a malign manner.

Ron began rummaging through a tool bag where he acquired a large black dildo.

“You see Hairy, I want to take something from you, Can you guess what it is? ”

Ron began weaponizing the dildo as I felt its heft begin to bludgeon me, I felt a rib crack and my face began to swell.

Once the beatings ceased, Ron continued rummaging through his tool bag where he pulled out a gallon of milk and a funnel. He turned me on my back and inserted a tube into my rectum then began pouring the milk into my bowels. I could hear,

“Glug Glug”

As my anus chugged the milk. I felt my bowels fill and stretch. Suddenly, Ron pulled out the tube and urged me to release the fluids, To which I did. As I pushed, Milk brewed in faecal matter began squirting from my rectum, Ron received the fluids with joy as he opened his mouth, Catching every drop.

I had just pissed a gallon of milk from my anus and felt my bowels deflate to their normal size, I groaned in relief, But before I could savour the moment, Ron approached me with a large HIV needle and stabbed it into my neck. He then approached me with another needle claiming it would put me in a medically induced coma, As I began falling asleep, I noticed Ron was holding a saw.

I awoke to find I had no right leg, Ron had sawed it off and replaced it with the black dildo casuing me to halucinate from severe blood loss. Ron approached my blood drained body and began to gorilla f**k my butt cheecks, My bottocks were stained in blood and in milk, Causing a well lubricated channel for Rons enterence.
Was this how I was going to die? Getting gorilla pounded by Ronald Weasley?

Date raped, Ball gagged, Beaten with a big dildo, Forced to butt chug a gallon of milk, Injected with HIV, Having his right leg sawn off and replaced with said dildo and then gorilla pounded. Will Hairy survive? Find out in the next episode of, Hairy Penis and the Chamber of secretions.

This round has not been posted yet.
Debate Round No. 3
14 comments have been posted on this debate. Showing 1 through 10 records.
Posted by oalks 3 years ago
Kept giving me an error when I tried to access the debate, Now it just won't let me post an argument.
Posted by oalks 3 years ago
Up until the point which you killed Dumblecunt.
Posted by Masterful 3 years ago
Were you able to read my round 2? If not I'll repost it
Posted by Masterful 3 years ago
When you look through my previous debate, No mater how awful you think they are, You need to know that they were the ones the moderator did not remove.
Fair play to the mod, He's very tolerant.
Posted by oalks 3 years ago
Possibly a couple of inconsistencies since Word deleted like half of the story for no reason.
Posted by oalks 3 years ago
I just saw that the other debate you created was removed by the site admins, In my month here I haven't seen that happen ONCE. What in God's name did you do to them that they hate you enough to log in for the first time in a year?
Posted by Masterful 3 years ago
So as you might be able to see the site glitched big time for me as I posted. I will re-post this story in the final round so that I can be read.
Posted by WrickItRalph 3 years ago
Posted by oalks 3 years ago
I've never realized this before, But Peterson's forehead is like an evolved solar panel.
Posted by Masterful 3 years ago
ill post Monday, I got half of my story saved on my work pc
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